I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
