Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
