im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
