Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
