dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
