OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
