went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
