you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
