i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
