fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
