Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
