just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize