Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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