I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
