This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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