Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
