My hand turned me down
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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