I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
