O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
