Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
