i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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