Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
