Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
