I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's blow job season.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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