I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
