I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
