At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
