Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
