So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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