pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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