I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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