bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
