first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
