i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
