Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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