She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
