Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
