Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize