Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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