My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
