Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
we should paint friendship bongs
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
