Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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