Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
