1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize