I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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