If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
