You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
