I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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