i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
