Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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