Only a mothe r could love this liver
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
