so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
