just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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