She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
