i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
