she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
