that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
