Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
