There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
