he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
