Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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