Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
