I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
