WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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