i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Never let your siblings swipe right.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
