the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
