he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize