90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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