Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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