Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Your dad touched me again.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
