the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
