she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
