I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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