"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize